Can anyone help me with these personal problems? Read below, thank you for your input.?

I am a white 19 year old cynical paranoid egotistical self centered depressed miserable addict boarder line addict almost racist who thinks highly of myself even though deep inside I really know I have zero self confidence and usually cave when pressured. I fear commitment to anything and am impulsive, I find fault in everyone and want to control everything around me at all times. I feel most people should go die due to their lack of contributions to society. I have a horrible personality I act like a cross between Family Guy character Brian Griffin and Entourage character Air Gold, I let my anger turn to rage then turn to physical aggression. I hate being alone but secretly I like it. I have no friends and hate my family be it parents, cousins, siblings. I hate disappointment but deep down I love it. I have to win at everything. I think all people are stupid and worthless. I don’t like to meet new people because they will do what everyone else has done and hurt me. I can’t be in a relationship with a woman because I think she’ll leave me for another man or god forbid come out to me as a , therefore I will never get married. I wake up every morning and my first thought is one day closer to death. My parents spent years making me hate everyone and everything around me, I followed there example of being alone with no friends or acquaintances. I do nothing with my talent and never will even though I think I will, I could become one of the greatest film makers of all time but I self destruct consciously. I can not seek help from psychologist or counselors because my father was a masculine man of few words who would think lowly of me and my mother says consoling is just a way for people with fancy degrees to push drugs on people with little interest in their patients actual problems. I was overprotected as a child never allowed to do anything or go anywhere because I might get hurt. I was home schooled for several years because of my parents intense paranoia. I hate myself, my “friends” my parents, my sibling, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my professors at college, I hate people I meet and people I will meet in the future. I abandoned my religion and my so called “values”, I lie to everyone about everything to keep them from knowing anything about me. I don’t like to get close to people and would much rather stay quite and alone when in a room full of people. The only thing I like in life is college football, good movies like The Godfather and beautiful women like Scarlett Johansson. What is wrong with me? Anyone have any ideas?